There is much to be said for individuality, and I agree that diversity should be celebrated. Ideally there would be a balance between individuality and human interaction. At some extent and degree in the pursuit of individuality, one becomes less unaware of the needs of others, possibly unable to reach out or find common ground. The result of too much focus on "self" is the loss of connection with the collective support of family, friends, groups. This could result in a feeling of isolation. There is a balance between self actualization and collective interaction, and each person must find themselves at some point that is comfortable and healthy for them.

"To thine own self be true" applies in any case where the outside influence would smash your confidence or would inhibit you from taking steps towards your goals. My heart goes out to you for having endured these experiences dear.

It is good that you are pondering the influences on your life, because you are at a formative stage of development. Your gender transition is a phase of self actualization, where your inner girl is now beginning to evolve outwardly from the boy you've appeared as for the past 28 years. You are reinventing yourself. Your individual identity is in transition, so you are carefully examining the influences and messages you are receiving. This seems a very healthy and appropriate thing to do in your circumstances. It is and will always be your choice what to accept as valid and/or right for you, and it’s especially important now. In the absence of such consideration, your individual identity would be formed haphazardly, without conscious thought, and perhaps out of balance.

If we can each identify for ourselves the type of individuality to which we aspire, it is easier to measure whether any one influence contributes positively. It's very important to surround ourselves with positive, supportive people who respect our individuality rather than try to hold us back or enforce their way of thinking. The goal is to avoid influences that hurt us, while seeking influences that help us. It may even be necessary to separate from some people and/or situations, and find new people and environments that are conducive to our positive direction and inner peace.

Again thank you Rhenaiya for posting this. I enjoyed your article and think you make an excellent point here.

Devi said... Societies and societal mores change with time. Even 'society' is a very restrictive term. There are societies whose relationship with gender expression or sartorial expression differs a lot from what you might be used to. In Thailand, 'ladyboys' don't as far as I know, face open ostracism. In my own native land of India, the part that I'm from has rural areas where men and women wear roughly the same attire, except for the women having a fitted top. Ultimately society needs to recognize the concept that gender identity is distinct from sex (as in classification).

I feel we harm ourselves by being reactionary. I don't remotely mean to sound accusatory, but it takes conscious effort not to use terminology like 'resisting' influence. I believe it is very much important to describe ourselves in the most positive manner possible. If we must create alternatives for existing societal conventions about us, then so be it. Take example of 'gender identity disorder'. There are arguably several things about me that could be considered disorders, such as my utter inability to wake up before 8AM (and much later on weekends), but I certainly don't see my gender identity among them. Providing alternates for such jarring societal conventions is a sociological exercise, and that is essentially what GenderEvolve is about anyway.

An in your face assertion of ourselves along the lines of "we're queer and we're here" isn't quite what I'm suggesting either, because first, it goes beyond proactive into the realm of confrontational. I don't think that will help; society has progressed since days when any alternative to age old interpersonal doctrines would be treated severely. Secondly, such an assertion of ourselves will not work simply because the trans world is just so diverse and not everyone is in a position to stand up and assert themselves. The diversity of our world has its advantages and disadvantages - we can't all be stereotyped on one basis, nor can we all necessarily rally on the same subject, unless that happens to be the subject of public acceptance. And finally, well, I can't come up with a sufficiently catchy phrase to match the one the homosexual community used.

It matters not to see ourselves as an embattled minority. We're not. Rather, we're people who have been gifted with something quite extraordinary - the ability and genuine desire to express both genders, or permanently alter our gender expression, as the case may be, during the course of just one life. We can view ourselves positively, and respond to every hurdle in the way as an aspect of society that needs to change, not an aspect that constrains you. Arguably, they mean the same, but the viewpoint we hold can make a huge difference to us and ultimately to how society treats us.